Working on our dissertation requires meeting deadlines. However, life happens! What if something unexpected derails our plans? We all encounter unanticipated obstacles, events, or circumstances that stop us from making progress on our goals. Some events are worse than others—for example, getting sick, losing a job, or in my case, losing a beloved pet. My writing projects fell by the wayside as I tried to figure out how to get back on track. I describe some of my attempts to process the experience, including ignoring my pain, confronting my pain, and mourning my loss.

Option 1: Ignore the pain

Ignoring emotional pain for me means immersing myself in tasks to distract myself from feeling. As an avoider of feelings, I naturally tried this option first. Fortunately (I guess), the day after my cat died, I received a large editing project with a tight deadline. What a relief. While I was editing and writing, it was hard to think about anything but the work. I put my broken heart on hold. Nights were sleepless, but I got a lot done during the day, as long as I kept working and not feeling.

If you can maintain this level of compartmentalization, I applaud you. The only thing that kept me going was the deadline. After I submitted the paper, I put my writing projects on hold and embarked on Option 2—Confronting the pain.

Option 2: Confront the pain

Confronting the pain can take many forms. For me, it took the form of cleaning house. I was appalled to realize that I had “decorated” my apartment to suit my cat. Everywhere I looked were cat seats, cat beds, cat perches, cat water dishes . . . painful reminders of what I had lost. I felt compelled to start cleaning. I dismantled the cat seats and cat perches, washed the cat beds, and piled the cat dishes into a box to donate. I stacked up all the cat toys, cat food, and cat litter to donate to my brother who has five cats. I rearranged furniture to suit the human occupant. Gradually, I reclaimed my space.

However, while I was moving furniture, I wasn’t getting any work done on my writing projects. My projects hovered in my mind while I did mountains of laundry and swept up tumbleweeds of dust and cat hair. I told myself I would get back to the writing eventually. However, days turned into weeks while I distracted myself from the pain by cleaning things I hadn’t touched since I moved here sixteen years ago.

I recommend we all clean our spaces occasionally. However, if I were to give myself advice now, I would say clean a little a day if it makes you feel better, but don’t try to clean everything. Spend at least an hour per day writing so you don’t lose touch with your writing self.

Option 3: Take time to mourn

Any kind of loss can be devastating. Losing a job, losing a pet, losing a home—any loss can derail us from the path to our goals. Any loss needs to be acknowledged and mourned.

For example, a friend lost her home to a fire. She described months of disorientation. She would make a plan to write and then remember she no longer had a computer. Simple tasks became difficult and sometimes impossible, even after she replaced the essential household goods that she had lost. Losing her home affected everything, including her writing life.

Some losses are insurmountable. My loss was big (for me) but not as big as losing my home would have been. I can put my loss into perspective.

I didn’t want to write about this. It’s embarrassing to admit the death of my cat kept me from writing. For the past month, I wondered if I would write again. Nothing seemed interesting to me anymore. I’m still wondering what happened. I was on one track, chugging along toward my goals, and now I find myself alone on a different track, destination unknown.

Summary

All losses change us. All losses need to be grieved. If something bad happens to interrupt your writing plans, you’ll cope as best you can. You can try to ignore your pain. You can confront your pain head on. You can assimilate your pain and mourn. I hope you will keep writing. I hope you won’t give up your goal to finish your dissertation and earn your PhD. It might not seem interesting or useful now, in the midst of your sorrow, but the world needs your contribution, so please get back to it as soon as you can.